They don't dig graves for Shinobi
by Pocky Whore
Summary: They don't dig graves for shinobi, we burn our dead.


They don't have graves for Shinobi.

Especially those shinobi that die on missions. Those Shinobi are burned on spot and the team keeps going. The mission continues. Because Shinobi aren't paid to feel. The mission comes before everything and anything else, even the death of your comrade.

I was supposed to be assigned to that mission, but something had come up and they had sent him in my place along with 3 other Shinobi that neither of us knew very well.

I still remember the buzz of the alarm and his grumbling voice next to me in the early morning. He woke before the dawn and I stayed under the warmth of the blankets groaning slightly when his body heat escaped mine. I still remember how he chuckled at me and pulled on his pants and a shirt before sitting next to me on the bed again. The mattress dipped under his weight and he kissed me on the forehead and brushed my bangs from my face.

"See you in a week." He whispered.

I was still half asleep and I just made an acknowledging sound in the back of my throat instead of wishing him good luck. I didn't even say goodbye. I had assumed I wouldn't need to. I'd always assumed he'd come back. Like he always did.

But he didn't.

His team came back. They walked right past me when they returned and when I asked them where Naruto was they just kept walking. They didn't even look at me. It wasn't until I was called to the Hokage Tower that my heart clenched.

I'd never told Tsunade about our relationship, but we'd both knew that she known.

The look in her eyes when I came in through her door was enough to tell me everything. She wasn't crying, but I could see the tears stuck in her eyelids and how she couldn't seem to get enough breath. She didn't need to talk. One look and I already knew.

But Shinobi aren't paid to feel.

Shinobi don't have graves.

I wouldn't ever be able to hold him again, to kiss him again, or see his face again. Not even his face cold in death. I would never see it. Because they had burned it. He died of blood loss, slowly and painfully and then they had burned him. Because it's what Shinobi do. We burn our dead.

I left the tower, not a word had passed from mine or Tsunade's lips but there had been no need for words.

As I walked out of her office Hinata, Kiba, Lee, Neji, Ino, Sakura and the rest of the rookie 9 passed me and entered the room. None of them knew, but they would in a second.

So I ran.

And I ran

And ran until my legs gave under me and I couldn't breath. My throat was tight and my feet blistered and everything hurt. My head hurt, my feet hurt, my **heart** hurt. I wasn't crying, but I could feel the tears against my eyelids and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get air to pass through my throat fast enough. I was panting and hiccupping hysterically.

And then the clouds above me burst all at once. Rain poured down harshly and unforgiving s hard that it almost hurt. I couldn't see two feet in front of me and I couldn't stand up. I took quick deep breaths trying to fill my empty lungs.

Through the haze of the downpour I could make something out in front of me just slightly out of my read. I began to drag my body forward to the object until my hand rested on cool stone. The memorial Stone.

Shinobi don't have graves.

I traced the newly carved letters of my lovers name until my fingers cut and bled against the ridged stone. How ironic. Every part of the stone was polished and smooth, but in this one place it was rough against my fingers.

The rain kept falling.

Not until my own warm tears mixed in with the chilled rain water did I realize I was crying. I rested my forehead against the stone and cried until I ran out of tears and was just hiccupping. And still the rain never let up.

Off in the in the distance I could see the shadowed figures of the rookie 9, more than half of them leaning on each other for support or crying into each others shoulders.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way." I strained out.

"It was never supposed to be this way." I screamed.

The Rookie 9 hadn't known about our relationship, but it didn't matter, Because I would have said it even if I knew they could hear me through the rain.

"God Naruto I'm so sorry." I whispered.

**-**

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**End of One Shot**

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End file.
